The Employee with Endless Funerals

👉 Before you read: This is satire. We respect real grief, but we also respect the universal truth that some excuses are just too funny not to tell.

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At Patel & Sons Pvt. Ltd., Ramesh was famous for two things:

1. Arriving late.
2. Leaving even earlier.

But his real talent lay in writing leave applications. While others wasted time with “sick leave” or “urgent personal work,” Ramesh had discovered the most powerful phrase in office history:

“Sir, unfortunately, there has been a death in my family…”

It was the perfect excuse. No boss dared question it.

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The Funerals Begin

• Month 1: “My uncle has passed away.”
  Everyone in the office nodded sympathetically. “Poor Ramesh.”
• Month 2: “My grandmother has left us.”
  More nods. “Such a tragedy.”
• Month 3: “My cousin has expired.”
  Sympathy began to mix with suspicion.
• Month 4: “My uncle again.”
  The accountant whispered, “How many uncles does this man have? Is he running an Uncle Factory?”

By Month 6, the obituary list looked like a census report. Someone pinned a world map on the office wall and started marking dots every time Ramesh announced a new dead relative. It began to look like he had relatives in every state of India.

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The Breaking Point

One fine Monday, Ramesh sent yet another email:
“Sir, I regret to inform you that my great-grand-uncle’s cousin’s wife’s father has sadly passed away.”

The boss slammed his laptop shut. “Enough!” he roared. “Ramesh, how many relatives do you even HAVE?”

Ramesh adjusted his shirt collar and replied with dignity:
“Sir, in my family tree… even the leaves have cousins.”

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The Great Discovery

The final nail in the coffin (pun intended) came when the boss decided to call Ramesh during his “mourning leave.”

Instead of wails or silence, the phone crackled with loud dhol beats, shehnai, and people clapping.

“Ramesh,” the boss said slowly, “where exactly are you?”

Ramesh stuttered, “Sir… I… I am at the cremation ground.”

The boss raised an eyebrow. “Really? Then why do I hear a wedding band?”

There was a long pause. Then Ramesh sighed and muttered:
“Sir… it was a happy funeral.”

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The Aftermath

The office erupted. From that day onwards:

• HR started a “Relative Death Tracker” on the notice board.
• Every time someone wanted a leave, they joked:
  “Should I kill an uncle or a cousin today?”

As for Ramesh—he never got “funeral leave” again. In fact, his new excuse became:
“Sir, unfortunately, one of my relatives is still alive. I must attend his function.”

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Moral:

If you keep killing imaginary relatives for leave—

You’ll end up with a family tree that looks like

• a haunted forest,
• a reputation deader than your excuses, and
• a boss who’ll never believe you

So remember: Fake funerals may save one day, but they’ll bury your career forever.